


for now, it's enough.

by argentstar (strasesky)



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, Pining, Romance, Unrequited Love, arguably can be read as a oneshot so that's what i'm classifying it as, eventual OT3, first chapter is meetings and sad feels lol sorry julian, or is it? ;)), there just isn't enough apprentice/asrian honestly, will update this slowly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-04 08:27:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15837525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strasesky/pseuds/argentstar
Summary: His tone was subdued, quiet, as it always was when he talked about Asra. Alyka just looked at him, at the sharp curve of his cheekbones, his heavy lids, his stormy grey eyes. Even now, Alyka felt that unmistakable tug in her chest at his beauty. She didn’t quite love him as more than a friend, but she had thought, once, that maybe, given time, she could.If he weren’t in love with his roommate, that is.--[modern au where julian loves asra, his roommate, but his friends-with-benefits (the apprentice) iskindain love with julian, and asra, stuck in the middle,kindaloves them both.]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> there's not enough of this pairing in the world....... pls @ the arcana game PLS let us romance asra AND julian....... together............... thx xooxoxoxoxooxox
> 
> fem!apprentice/julian/asra! i wrote it this way because i, the player, am female, and the arcana makes the player the apprentice. however, i am aware of and also appreciate the detail to pronouns/the lack thereof in the game, and so, if anyone wants, i'd happily post versions with a male!apprentice or non-binary!apprentice! also writing smut kinda scares me so for now, rating is ONLY mature and will stay that way for now.
> 
> updates will be slow, i just came up with this idea on the spot and suddenly REALLY wanted to write and post it. hope you enjoy!
> 
> [also, not proofread... feel free to point out any mistakes/discrepancies!]

Asra met her in his second year at university.

She was actually Julian’s friend – though Asra wasn’t sure if _friend_ was really the right term for it – and it was a dull, misty morning when he returned home from a night at Muriel’s to find her sitting, all long legged and olive skin, at the kitchen counter, clad in only Julian’s huge white shirt. Asra almost dropped his keys at the sight.

“Um, hi,” he started, but she was already standing with an alarmed look on her face, a flush in her cheeks.

“Oh, my god, I am so sorry! This is so terribly inappropriate, oh, my god.” She grinned sheepishly, her eyes sparkling a dark brown. Asra swore he could see gold flecks in them. “Um, you must be Asra, Julian’s flatmate. My name’s Alyka! It’s nice to meet you, finally.”

She extended a hand. It pulled up the bottom of Julian’s shirt, revealing even more bare leg, but Asra didn’t look. He refused to. “Hi,” he said, grasping her hand. The fingertips felt calloused but the rest of her hand was smooth; a musician, perhaps? Letting go, he couldn’t help but toss a sly smirk her way. “Took advantage of the fact that I wasn’t in last night?”

To his amusement, she didn’t back down, and beamed straight back with an equally cheeky grin. “You betcha.” She tossed her long black hair over her shoulder. Her tanned collarbone stood out against the starch white shirt. Asra swallowed. “Jules is in the shower, if you’re wondering.”

Now that he was paying attention, he could hear the running of water from their bathroom. He couldn’t quite help, either, the comment that came next. “Not gonna join him?”

The smile that curled across Alyka’s lips next was incredibly, heart-stoppingly dirty, and the rush of heat that drove through Asra almost rocked him back on his heels. “I think I’ve tired him out enough for one night. And one morning.”

Asra cleared his throat. He felt dizzy; he couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so shaken by someone he barely knew. “Lucky Julian.” He pushed past her, feeling her eyes follow him as he moved down the hall, something unreadable in her gaze. “Make yourself at home, Alyka.”

He thought she started to reply, but he didn’t hear it; at that moment, the bathroom opened next to him, steam billowing out behind the towel-clad figure in the doorway. Julian, tall and broad-shouldered as always, blinked back at Asra in surprise. “Oh, hey, Asra. You’re back.”

“You’re stating the obvious,” Asra responded dryly. “Didn’t realise you had company over.”

Julian’s eyes flicked down the hallway. Asra couldn’t tell if the red in his cheeks was from the shower or from something else entirely. “Sorry, I didn’t think-”

“Don’t apologise!” Asra laughed. “I was out, anyway. It was nice of you to wait ‘till I was gone.”

Julian shrugged, and Asra’s eyes flicked to the marks on his neck, down his chest. _Jesus._ They still didn’t know each other that well, Julian and Asra, and it meant that, despite them getting along well enough, moments like this – _mornings after_ – could still be desperately awkward. “She wasn’t bothering you, was she? I know Alyka can be quite annoying sometimes.”

“Hey!” Alyka’s voice rung down at them, prompting a smile from them both. “I can hear you! I mean, you’re not wrong… But still, rude!”

Asra just laughed again. “I’ll see you later,” he said, and went back to his room, closing the door behind him. He collapsed onto his bed, gazing at the ceiling, where he’d pinned paintings of technicolour fields and sunset oceans. Alyka was stunning, and it made sense considering that Julian, too, was incredibly good looking. A stupid kind of boyish pride welled up in him for Julian, as well as  a little jealousy. He wondered if this was a one-time thing, or if they were seeing each other regularly. He thought of the pale grey of Julian’s eyes, the intensity of Alyka’s gaze.

He wondered if they were in love.

 

 

“So, that’s him, then?” Alyka made sure to keep her voice low as she sat back on Julian’s bed, watching as he shamelessly dropped his towel in front of her and pulled a pair of boxers on. They were black, as was most of Julian’s wardrobe, aside from his favourite white shirts. She smiled a little upon seeing the marks on his back, his thighs. _She’d_ done that. “The infamous Asra?”

“Yep.” Julian didn’t look at her, fidgeting with the towel, his wet hair dripping water down his back. She watched him stand there for a few more moments, before his shoulders slumped and he tossed a dark-lashed glance back at her. She beckoned to him, shifting on the bed as Julian sat back on the pillows. His stomach muscles shifted with the movement, and she ran an absent-minded hand up his abdomen, which clenched.

“Well, he’s as gorgeous as you described. His white hair sets off his dark skin perfectly. It’s really not dyed?”

“All natural, I think.”

His tone was subdued, quiet, as it always was when he talked about Asra. Alyka just looked at him, at the sharp curve of his cheekbones, his heavy lids, his stormy grey eyes. Even now, Alyka felt that unmistakable tug in her chest at his beauty. She didn’t quite love him as more than a friend, but she had thought, once, that maybe, given time, she could.

If he weren’t in love with his roommate, that is.

Holding back a sigh, she crawled into his lap, sitting herself chest-to-chest with Julian. She found herself cupping his cheek, stroking his cheekbone with a finger. He leaned into her touch, closing his eyes. “I don’t know how I feel about this, Aly. About him seeing me… with you.”

She knew it wasn’t because he was embarrassed of her or their relationship. She knew exactly what he meant; she always did. “I know,” she said softly.

“It’s ridiculous. I almost… I almost feel _guilty_. But we’re nothing. We’ve always been nothing. Except friends, of course, but that sometimes feels like nothing to me. Fuck, I shouldn’t unload this on you-”

“Jules,” she interrupted, lifting his chin to look into his eyes. The sadness she found there made her chest tighten. “You _know_ you can tell me anything. You can trust me with anything. I’m your _best friend_ , Jules, and I will always be here when you want to talk. Unload all you like. I don’t mind. I’m glad that you feel like you can tell me.”

“Alyka,” he sighed, and his face pressed near, their mouths a hairs breadth away. She could feel his breath ghosting over her lips, and without thinking, her mouth parted, her body helplessly shifting in closer. There it was again; the unmistakable pull she felt, her body thrumming with the desire to be as close as she could to him. Underneath her, she could feel him beginning to stiffen again, hardening against her inner thigh.

Julian breathed a laugh. “Damn. I really thought you’d wrung me out this time.”

“Shall we find out how much further you can make it?” She closed her mouth over his, her hand sliding into his underwear. His answering groan made her smirk against his lips.

“Asra’s in the next room,” he murmured, his back arching as she circled the tip of him with her thumb. At the mention of his name, Asra’s eyes flashed before her, the memory of his stunning amethyst eyes seared into her mind, as though he was watching them, now. The thought of it… wasn’t unpleasant at all.

“I guess you’ll just have to keep quiet. You can do that for me, can’t you, Jules?” She kissed the corner of his mouth. He nodded, almost frantically, as she tightened her grip.

“Anything. Anything you want, Aly.”

The most ridiculous surge of fondness for her best friend rushed over her at that. They were half-naked in Julian’s bed, Julian’s cock in Alyka’s hand, and the love of Julian’s life was in the next room. But she couldn’t help but think that, despite everything, he was _her_ Jules, that only _she_ really knew that he had this submissive side to him too.

She wouldn’t mind not being the only one, when the time came, of course; when Julian’s gorgeous roommate got his head out of his ass and (hopefully) returned Julian’s feelings, when Julian didn’t need her in that way anymore. But still, right now she was the only one who saw him like this, who knew every inch of him so well, both physically and metaphorically, and it was-- perfect. They had each other, and for now… that was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alyka: lol i'm not in love with julian hah
> 
> also alyka: wow there's undeniable pull between us
> 
> also alyka: he's my jules and it's perfect
> 
> hm. /thonking./ sure, jan.
> 
>  
> 
> kudos and comments appreciated!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> asra and alyka bond a little more, and julian's self-doubt returns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmaooo definitely gotta add angst to the list of tags now
> 
> also i wrote this in about 2 hours and it's currently past 1am so yeah SOZ in advance

 

Julian was sleeping again when Alyka left, closing his bedroom door gently behind her. A glance to her right showed the second bedroom door was also closed, and for a moment, she wondered what Asra was doing in there. Julian had said that Asra was a joint-honours student, studying arts and classics together; an interesting combination, and two topics that Alyka herself found fascinating. But she hadn’t taken them as subjects, nor joined any relevant clubs or societies, so she wasn’t surprised that she’d never really seen Asra around the university campus. Julian had never really shown her any pictures of him, either.

So the jolt that rippled through her chest when she turned and saw him standing beside her was only partly surprise. The other part was the startling-ness of his features, his pearl-white hair and dusted, golden skin. He really was incredibly attractive. Alyka could hardly blame Julian at all for falling in love with him.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you,” Asra said as her hand flew to her throat in surprise. He grinned at her, strands of white hair falling over his eyes. “Although I’m pretty sure I don’t walk _that_ quietly.”

“I think I’m just deaf,” Alyka said, smiling widely as she pressed her palm against her chest. She could feel her heart still racing from the shock. “I’ve been known to mishear entire sentences when people talk to me.”

“One might think you’re just ignoring them,” answered Asra, looking unfairly delighted.

“It’s also called selective hearing,” she said with a wink, and to her gratification, Asra laughed. Hesitantly, she said, “Walk me out?”

She wasn’t really sure why she’d asked. Perhaps to get to know the boy Julian had given his heart to, to see whether he was worth it; but part of her _wanted_ to know him, wanted to learn his personality and habits and what it was like to be his friend.

She already liked him, she realised with a start. They’d only spoken once (twice, now), but she couldn’t help but think that there was something so incredibly trustworthy about Asra. _This must be how Julian feels_ , she thought, _only intensified a thousand times._

If Asra was surprised by her request, he didn’t show it. “Sure,” he said easily and gestured for her to lead the way. “Do you live nearby?”

“It’s like a fifteen-minute walk from here.” She shrugged on her coat at the door, slipping her feet into her dirtied white Converse. “Near the central bakery and charms shop?”

“Ah, lucky you, that bakery is a gift from God. If I believed in him, that is.” Asra pauses as he moves to lock the door, tossing a wry glance at Alyka. “No offense, if you’re a believer.”

“No.” She pressed her lips together. If God was real, he’d turned his back on her long ago, and she on him, too. “No, I’m not.”

“Damn, I should know better. Making Friends 101, never bring up religion or politics on the first meeting,” Asra joked, stepping into the elevator. Alyka followed, watching the way the harsh white lighting seemed to light up his hair. She couldn’t help the grin that pulled at her lips. “Rookie mistake, Asra. Well, technically this is our second meeting, anyway.”

“Julian would never forgive me if I scared you off with talk of God,” he said solemnly, but the way his eyes danced told her it was a joke.

She snorted. “I’m his best friend. You’d have to do a lot worse to scare me off.”

She didn’t miss the sideways glance he tossed her. “Best friend as well as girlfriend?”

Alyka smirked, turning to face him fully as the elevator rolled to a stop on the first floor. “Just best friend. With benefits.” She winked again. As she stepped out the elevator, she caught the rise of red in Asra’s cheeks, and laughed. “Don’t be shy, you were making innuendos only an hour ago!”

“What can I say, I’m a fickle man!” He caught up to her at the door to the building, grin wide on his face. Her breath caught strangely at the way the morning sun turned his eyes into a kaleidoscope of shimmering purple, like a jewel caught in the light. In her moment of speechlessness, she forgot to reply, and Asra continued, “Well, I suppose this is it. I imagine I’ll see you again. Probably in the exact same outfit as this morning.”

Alyka snorted, shaking her head and clearing her mind. “That’s very likely,” she admitted. “Especially since Julian owns a million white shirts.”

“Laundry day is like someone’s building an army of Caspar the Ghosts,” he informed her, and she burst out laughing. Asra really was… something, and the memory of the shining of his eyes followed her home.

 

The click of the apartment door woke Julian, and for a moment, he settled deeper into the pillows, unwilling to acknowledge the fact that he was awake. But a distinct chill was creeping over him, and with a groan, he rolled onto his back, opening his eyes and blearily staring at the ceiling.

Alyka had gone home, probably; the sound that had awoken him was probably her leaving. He didn’t really mind that she’d left while he was sleeping; more, he was disappointed that she couldn’t have kept him warm a little longer. The chill of autumn was beginning to furrow into the apartment, and on days like this, when Julian woke up with little to no clothing on, he was never warm enough – unless Alyka was with him.

The sound of shuffling in the kitchen reminded Julian that Asra had come home already. The previous night, when Asra had texted to say he was staying over at his friend Muriel’s, loneliness had crawled over Julian so quickly he had almost choked. Which was so _stupid_ , he knew that; he and Asra were barely past strangers, sometimes, and yet Julian couldn’t help the ache that came over him when Asra was gone. So he’d texted Alyka (though, lonely or not, he probably would have messaged his best friend anyway), invited her over. He hadn’t had the intention of sleeping with her last night, he just hadn’t wanted to be alone, but Alyka was so goddamn understanding and frankly, beautiful, that a simple movie-sleepover night had progressed into something else entirely.

Not that either of them minded at all. There were days, nights, when Julian wondered if this was going to ruin what they’d had since the beginning of first year, but so far the worst consequence had been the initial few days after the first time they’d slept together, when Julian couldn’t look at his best friend without remembering the curve of her body, the way her limbs had fit together so perfectly, the _sounds_ she had made _because of him-_

Ah, fuck. Julian rolled over, sighing into his pillow, stopping before his imagination took him further. It helped that, in the next moment, there was a knock on his door:

“Julian?” Asra’s muffled voice filtered through, the sound of it as lovely as always. “I’ve made breakfast, if you want any.” There was a pause. “I’d be fucking ravenous if I were you.”

Julian stifled a laugh, his arms tightening around the pillow. He couldn’t help the beat of guilt that pulsed in his chest. He knew, rationally, it was stupid. He didn’t owe Asra anything, and even if Asra did know of his feelings, Julian knew that Asra would never expect Julian to owe him anything, either. But there was that inexplicable guilt, and the very fact that it was there frustrated him to no end.

He pulled himself to his feet, pulling on his underwear, a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. He reckoned Asra had seen enough of his bare skin today. He could still see Asra’s startled face as he’d stepped out the bathroom.

In the kitchen, Asra was spooning rice into two bowls. On the table already sat various small dishes, including blue-tongued skink, Asra’s favourite. This was the way Asra’s family ate breakfast, Julian knew; heartedly, with the stomach of someone who’d had a well-rested night. Julian would normally grab a slice of toast, stuff it in his mouth, and swallow it dry on the way to his morning lectures. The thought of it made him grimace. He much preferred Asra’s cooking, like this.

The problem was that Asra _also_ often succumbed to the pressure of student life and would do much the same as Julian on most days. One time, Asra’s toast had fallen out his mouth as he’d been putting his shoes on, and the memory of the look on Asra’s face never failed to make Julian grin.

“Smells and looks amazing, as usual.” Julian shot Asra a smile, his stomach flipping as Asra gave him a wide, gentle grin back. “If we stopped buying bread, you’d cook like this every morning, right?”

Asra laughed. “Please, we’d probably starve to death instead. Alternatively, you could cook your own breakfast?”

“In which case we wouldn’t starve to death, it’d be death by poisoning.”

They settled down at the table. Asra handed Julian his bowl and picked up his chopsticks, tapping them against his mouth thoughtfully, drawing attention to his lips. “That one time you tried to cook was really disastrous. I don’t understand how a person can be so physically incapable at cooking…”

“You’re just rubbing salt in the wound now, Asra.” They laughed, sharing a glance that made Julian’s skin heat. He willed the blush away. Fuck his vampire-pale skin for making it so obvious when he blushed. Which he did. A lot.

There were a few moments of silence, punctuated only by their chewing, when Asra said, “So, friends with benefits, then?”

Julian tried not to choke, alarm coursing through his veins. “You… You talked to Alyka?” _What did she tell you?_ He tried to calm down. Alyka would never tell Asra about Julian’s feelings, he knew that.

“Briefly. I walked her out.” Asra tossed Julian a look that was half a smirk. Julian could feel the heat beginning to rise in his cheeks again. “She seems really cool.”

“Yeah.” His tongue felt like cotton in his mouth. “Yeah, she is. She’s, um. She’s my best friend, really.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t mentioned her before.” Asra hummed as he brought rice to his mouth, chewing thoughtfully. Julian tried not to stare at the tongue that flicked out to lick his lips.

“Haven’t I?” That was strange. “Maybe I just forgot to actually say her name. We’ve been friends since first year, but I guess… I don’t know, it feels like longer.”

Julian didn’t really understand, sometimes, how Alyka could just understand him so well. She was always there for him. He wasn’t really sure he deserved it. At all.

“Sometimes you just meet people like that.” Asra looked up at him, and their gazes locked. Asra’s eyes never failed to stun Julian, sending a distinct rush all the way to his toes. “You’re lucky, Julian.”

Julian looked down at his bowl, breaking the moment that probably only Julian felt, anyway. “I know.” _I_ am _lucky. And I fucking don’t deserve to be._

Alyka would kill him if he ever said that out loud to her. She hated it when he put himself down, and there was a part of Julian, a rational part, that told him he shouldn’t do it, not just for Alyka, but for his own sake as well. But it wasn’t that easy to just stop the voice inside of him, the voice that criticised himself for every little thing, every tiny mistake.

He glanced at Asra, who was practically inhaling the skink. He wondered if Asra had doubts about himself. Asra always seemed so confident, so self-assured. Julian was certain he had never made the mistakes Julian had made or done the things Julian had done. Julian wanted to hate him for it. God, Julian wanted to hate him. Perfect, beautiful Asra.

(He wasn’t really perfect, Julian knew. But Asra _was_ beautiful; very much so. Even a blind man would be able to tell.)

Julian held his chopsticks almost tight enough to snap them. It was fine. He was fine. He had Pasha and Alyka and Asra and others by his side. He was so, so lucky. Everything was just—

Fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JULIAN JUST-  
> LOVE YOURSELF THE WAY WE DO  
> PLS  
> YOU /DO/ DESERVE IT


End file.
